A Great Blog

The Daily Positivity Pill

2012-05-17T19:05:00.000-07:00

So how many of you have to take a daily medication? Maybe you view food in this way if you're in early recovery?

Well, here's something that you can add to do each day to make a difference in your recovery!!
It's called the "Daily Positivity Pill" and here's what you do:

set your alarm on your phone to remind you to take the Positivity Pill
When the alarm goes off, find a quiet spot so that you can take 5 minutes just for you
Either in a journal, in an email to a mentor, or come to the Ed Recovery Jax site and write down at least 2 successes that have happened that day

You see, by recognizing the positive things we do, it slowly kills Ed. And even better, by sharing the successes with others who 'get it', we increase our spirits and find a little motivation to keep fighting!!

Remember, Ed loves negativity, but the power of positive thought can help in killing Ed - and after all, he deserves to die so let's do all we can to help add another nail to the coffin.

Here's to taking the daily positivity pill - go on, I DARE you to try it!!!!

Really?? My way doesn't work???

2012-05-07T18:59:00.001-07:00

When I lived with Ed, or rather when I chose to no longer live with him and try recovery, the early days of fighting back proved tough!!! You see, in my mind if I chose recovery then that's what would happen. You can imagine my surprise when nothing changed and my frustration level simply rose and rose!!

Finally, what I realized was that I was still doing the same things, using my thinking and it dawned on me that 'my' thinking is what led me to Ed in the first place. The reality was, therefore, if I wanted to leave Ed behind I had to do something different - in other words, trust someone else and try their suggestions for a while.

Wow! What a concept!! And needless to say, not one I was ready to try!! After all, it would mean I had to truly relinquish all control for a while and well, I wasn't ready to do that.

It was only after I fell flat on my face time after time that I finally decided to take that leap of faith. I took the risk and tried the suggestions my treatment team were making. It made sense that if I was going to pay them all this money, why not actually try some of what they said would help me in my fight against Ed!!

Well, that leap of faith and trying their suggestions helped me find my way to freedom. Granted, it was MY efforts that made it happen, but it was not always my thinking because in early recovery I realized that I could not trust myself because Ed was still so powerful.

Are you ready to trust your treatment team? Are you ready to take their suggestions and actually put them into action? Go on, I DARE you to try it for just one week and see if anything shifts ...... you might be pleasantly surprised! And if you hate the change, the reality is that we are all experts at living with Ed and can go back to him in a moment if that's what we choose!

Recovery is far from easy. However, for me, once I took that step of finally embracing the suggestions coming my way, amazing things happened!!!!

So think about it!! Who's way are you trying right now? Are you ready to fight back and trust in your team? I think you'll be shocked and pleasantly surprised if you do!!!

Don't wait ... recovery starts NOW!

2012-04-30T14:05:00.001-07:00

Today I was catching up on my 'British' news with one of the UK online newspapers. I was saddened that one of the top stories was about the death of a 19 year old. She had struggled with anorexia since the age of 16 and while her family felt that she was finally starting to win her battle, her body had clearly not got that message and she lost her life due to heart failure during her sleep.
The story reminded me so much of "Melissa', the young girl who's story we screened during NEDAwareness week this year. She tragically lost her life at 19, again in her sleep and as she was in a 'healthier' phase of her recovery.
The harsh reality is that eating disorders KILL. No matter how much Ed likes to delude us that we're "not that bad", when dancing in his world, we walk a perilous line between life and death.
I feel blessed that I was one of the lucky ones, and in spite of ending up in the ER having been told by my inpatient team that my body was shutting down and giving up on me, I was given the opportunity to find freedom and today I'm truly grateful I took it.
For those of you still struggling, I guess I'm sharing all this to remind you that when it comes to Ed, there is not 'waiting till tomorrow' to start recovery - RECOVERY STARTS NOW!!! Even when slips happen, and Ed may try to persuade you to just wait till the following day to start over, HE'S LYING!!! When it comes to the battle against Ed, there is not waiting because we may not have that long to wait!!
Don't let Ed convince you any longer! As tough as it is, when Ed starts in with his bullshit, it's time to remind him that YOU are in charge and you refuse to listen any more.
Ed kills. Don't become one of his victims. You are too amazing, too courageous, and too beautiful to let Ed take you from us!!
So go on, don't wait - recovery starts NOW!!!

National Infertility Week

2012-04-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Today marks the start of National Infertility Week - something I would not have been aware of if it weren't for the amazing Jenni Schaefer letting me know! It's ironic, really, that I didn't know considering infertility is something that has impacted my life significantly!!

Infertility. The dictionary defines it as 'not capable of producing offspring'. Wow, words that I HATE because my whole life I believed I was capable of anything I set my mind to!!

When you get married, once everyone has got passed the excitement of the wedding day, their next question always seems to be 'so when are you going to start a family?'. It seems such a simple question and yet, today also invokes some pain because the delay is not of my choosing! People take it for granted that everyone CAN have kids, yet what I'm realizing is that there are more and more people out there who this is simply not the case.

When I met my husband, we did begin trying for a family immediately after getting married. Being older, I knew I didn't want to lose any more time and while I knew that my chances at 39 years of age were perhaps not as high as some other folks, I still believed that I was "capable" of getting pregnant.

Almost 3 years later, and I have yet to become a mom. The journey has been filled with many ups and downs, excitement and disappointments, and incredible IVF specialists who are there every step of the way. Twice we have been blessed with actual pregnancy, but the furthest we got was our second where we got to hear the heart beat at 6 weeks. True, there's lots of 'fun' in trying on our own, but even with the support of our incredible IVF team, 6 attempts later and I can't help but wonder what the plan is from here.

One of the biggest challenges for me was letting go of that negative voice deep inside that wanted me to believe it was my fault I couldn't get pregnant. For years, I had suffered with an eating disorder and the reality was that it probably ravaged my body more than I ever realized. I'm one of the lucky ones, however, and the Doctors assure me that the reason I have not been able to get pregnant is nothing to do with my eating disorder but simply because of the reality that I'm 'old'!!!

And so our journey continues and in some ways I draw on my recovery from my eating disorder for support. The common connection between the two is that no matter what, you have to have faith, you have to trust what your medical team is telling you, and you have to let go and trust that the universe is going to give you all you need.

I've not given up on my dream and deep down know that I am meant to be a mom and that it WILL happen!! It's just not going to be on my time and is something that I have to remember I have NO control over!! Hmmmm, memories of recovery again!!

Anyone who is out there struggling with their own journey of infertility, I 'get it'. I also see others who have walked a similar path and have beautiful children. That gives me hope. And so while the dictionary uses words like 'barren', 'incapable', or 'sterile', I know that my journey to become a mom has NONE of those words in it!! My life is filled with incredible support that makes it anything but barren, I am capable of making decisions that lead me down a path of MY choosing, and the only way that I am 'sterile' is by the fact that I always wash my hands after going to the bathroom!!!

So here's to my continued journey. And whether your journey is recovery from an eating disorder or struggling with infertility, I believe that when we least expect it, amazing things can happen!! Who knows, maybe I'll be a mom to a beautiful baby, or maybe the word 'mom' will take another form, but I refuse to let the word 'incapable' ever be used to describe anything about me!!

With love, serenity, and hope to all my fellow fighters out there - especially this week!! Let's talk about infertility and take the stigma away. My life is already pretty amazing and no matter what the outcome, it always will be thanks to freedom from my eating disorder and the love that fills my world!

A simple word ....

2012-04-22T11:33:00.001-07:00

We spend so much of our lives going about our day, doing the things we do without a second thought. Invariably, we don't 'do' things because there's going to be a monetary reward, but because it's just something we're passionate about.
Recently, however, I was reminded that the power of a word can be so powerful and reminds you why you choose to do those things. For me, it's been an email from a parent telling me how much she appreciates all I do to go that extra mile in teaching her son, or being told at the end of a phone call 'wow, thank you, you're appreciated'. I never set out to get these compliments, and yet in hearing them was reminded that those simple words mean so much. The warm glow I felt inside, the smile that broke out on my face, well it came at the perfect time!
We have the power to choose words that can bring smiles to people's faces, or allow Ed's destructive messages to cause chaos and pain. Of course, we would never choose those cruel words of Ed to say to a friend, yet we have no problem listening to them and embracing them ourselves.
So today, as you give a compliment to someone else, or you say thank you to someone for the help they've given, why not take a moment and give an extra special thank you to yourself! Yes, YOU deserve those simple words for all the hard work you do each day, for making choices that support your recovery, or to remind you just how amazing you are.
So here's to each of you out there. You guys are amazing and I am blessed to have you all in my life. And today I DARE you to compliment yourself - go on, try it, you might be pleasantly surprised!!!

With directions, you're never lost!

2012-04-04T18:17:00.002-07:00

Today I had to go and pick my husband up from work but I was in a part of town that I didn't really know that well, and had to navigate from there to his office. Initially I was worried ..... what if I got lost? What if I didn't get there on time? What if .... what it .... what if!!!!
But then I realized I had no need to worry because I have navigation in my car. I programmed it to lead me to his office and straight away, a voice gave me instructions of how to start. As we proceeded, periodically I'd get a new instruction, and step by step, with the help of the navigation system, I arrived safely to his office and on time!
Recovery is a little like that! When we start, we have this huge panic and fear, with so many questions about whether we'll ever each our destination of recovery. And yet, if we listen to our treatment team, they become like my navigation system. Periodically, they give us new suggestions / guidelines to follow and if we try them out, we find we continue moving forward in the direction we want.
With support, we never have to be alone and we find that no matter how unclear the journey is, if we trust in that voice, that support, we'll always get to where we want!
And so today I encourage you to listen to your GPS system!! It's there - we just have to remember to listen and trust that they're not going to lead us astray!!

You have to push the button!!

2012-04-03T10:13:00.003-07:00

It's been a while since I blogged, and there's a variety of reasons as to why, but no matter what is going on in my life, situations still seem to pop up that remind me about recovery!!
Recently I was standing in an elevator. I watched the doors close and stood waiting for it to rise. Nothing happened. It took me a minute to realize that the elevator wasn't going to go anywhere if I didn't press the button and let it know which floor I needed to go to! Yup, funny how that works!
But the reality is that recovery works something like that. We can have all the plans in the world, know exactly where we want to get to, but until we 'press the button' nothing will happen! In recovery that means not only coming up with a plan with our treatment team, but taking action and following through! Yeah, that's the tough part and yet, without it, we will stay exactly where we are! How's that phrase go - "if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got'!!
And so, make today different! Step in the elevator called recovery AND press the button to start moving toward it!! That will probably look different for each of us, but it is still something we can ALL do!!!
So go on, press the button and take action on recovery today - I DARE you!!!

Sitting on the edge of the cliff .... a musical ramble!!

2012-03-13T18:58:00.003-07:00

So tonight as I was driving home, I had that annoying thing happen where you have a song in your head and it won't stop playing!! Only the thing was, I couldn't remember the real lyrics but was making up new ones because of where my head was!!!

The song is "Sitting on the dock of the bay", but my version went "Sitting on the edge of the cliff"!!! You see, the past few weeks I've been sitting on the edge of a cliff and just was scared to actually jump off. yes, even in recovery, there are situations that present themselves that challenge me!!

I have had an intern and I knew I needed to make a decision but it was one I didn't want to make because of how it would probably turn out. Even though I knew deep down what I needed to do, actually following through and doing it was just not happening. Hence the song "Sitting on the edge of the cliff"!!!!

Today I finally leaped!!! I was terrified to be honest, but here's what I discovered. Once I took that leap, I found support there to catch up me and guide me to a 'safe' landing. once I used my voice and spoke up for what I believe in, I realized that people actually agreed with me and were 100% in support of what I was saying. The leap was actually worth taking and if I'd never taken it, I'd have never known that!!

Recovery is not easy. Letting go of Ed is even tougher. But at some point we have to decide if we're willing to just jump off the edge of the cliff and try doing it differently - knowing that we can always go back if we choose to!!

And so, at the end of my ramble a new song comes to mind - Aretha Franklin's "Think". My version ..... "You'd better jump, (jump), jump, (jump), if you want recovery"

LOL, my musical brain is apparently active tonight, but I'm sure you've somehow got the point of my rambling blog!!!!

Go on, I DARE you - jump off the edge of the cliff this week. You might be surprised what you find when you do!!!!

Is it worth it??

2012-03-12T19:41:00.002-07:00

You know, I often get asked 'is it worth it?', 'is the fight really going to get me to a place of recovery?', or 'can you ever really recover?'.

I remember asking those questions. I'd never even met anyone who'd recovered, and so the reality for me was that freedom from Ed was pretty much impossible. I'd go to bed at night and ask God to just not let me wake up in the morning - of course, His plan was different to mine, thank goodness!!

Then one day, I went to the the bookstore - ironically, it was an avoidance tactic because I was fighting Ed over lunch and at the time he was winning! As I browsed the shelves for yet another suggestion on how to beat Ed, I came across Jenni's book "Life Without Ed". It was as if I was reading my own words and the sense of relief I got because someone was writing what I was feeling, well it was incredible. I took that book to a cafe, had some lunch, and began taking steps toward freedom.

My journey since then has been filled with ups and downs, but today I live in COMPLETE freedom and have done so for over 4 years. I never imagined that would happen, especially because I had lived with Ed for more than 22 years.

So my answer to the question "is it worth it?" - YES!!!!!!!! No matter how impossible it seems, NEVER STOP FIGHTING!!!! The journey ahead may seem impossible, but the cool part is you don't have to tackle it all in one day!! You can take baby steps, then celebrate those victories, take a rest if you need, and then try again. I promise you that if you keep connecting, fighting, and believing, you WILL find freedom too!!!

Suddenly!!!!

2012-03-09T16:05:00.001-08:00

I came home tonight to find my husband cutting the grass. After winter is ended, and spring well and truly showing signs all around us, I can't help but share this again!
Our yard has been brown all winter. The lack of life was apparent in all we saw out of the window and you couldn't help but wonder after several nights of frost, whether the grass would ever re-gain it's rich, green appearance that gave life to our yard or if it was lost forever.
And then, without even noticing, we suddenly have to find the lawnmower, wipe off the dust, and put it to use and cut the grass that is now too long! The lushness surrounds us and life is evident everywhere!!
So why am I blogging about the grass in our backyard? Well, I guess I can't help but see the parallel between the growth of grass and the process of recovery. In the depths of the disease, my life felt as though it were non-existent, essentially I'd 'died', and I felt hopeless with no belief that I could recover. I was the brown, lifeless grass in my back yard.
The process to recovery was slow, but you know what, suddenly I realized that Ed was not a constant in my life and it was no longer a day to day battle. In the midst of my hard work, I wasn't really aware of the growth I was making because at times it was so small it seemed irrelevant. And yet, those tiny steps added up and before I knew it, had formed one giant leap that was leading me to freedom! Yes, just as the grass needs cutting and yet you've not noticed it growing, the same is true of recovery!
And so my reminder to you is that the next time you feel like you're not making progress, go out and look at some grass; stare at it, study it and see if you can watch the growth happen. I can guarantee you won't, but you will certainly have to cut it again in a week!!
Recovery happens. It may seem slow, it may seem like no progress is being made, but so long as you're doing the work and utilizing your support, you'll be amazed at what is really going on underneath!!!
Keep fighting - you can do this!!!!

Phew!!!!!

2012-03-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I have to say it was quite a week - NEDAwareness 2012, that is!!! From bashing scales, to yoga, online meeting with Jenni Schaefer, screening of Someday Melissa, and of course the inaugural Fighting Back 5k, we worked on getting the word out about eating disorders!!!
When I think back to when we first began planning our events, I never imagined they would be so powerful. Sure, part of our purpose was to raise money, but I think I underestimated just how much of an impact these events would have in regard to getting folks to talk about eating disorders.
For years, I lived in shame and hid my eating disorder and the struggle to recovery because I didn't want to be judged a failure. And yet today I would sing it from the rooftops because I know by talking about it, well it can lead someone to begin their own journey!!
Sounding the starting gun for Saturday's Fighting Back 5k literally brought me to tears - again, not what I had expected!!! And as I cheered and clapped for every person that walked or ran across the finish line, I couldn't help but think about the victories that need to be celebrated every time someone recognizes the need for help and begins to also 'fight back'!!
So here's to all that was accomplished, to seeing dreams come true, and to knowing that everybody really does know somebody, but by being open and talking about it, we can use that fact to help folks find freedom of their own!!!
Thank you to everyone who helped make this week a success. I truly was one of the most powerful weeks of my life!!

Scale Bashing and more, NEDAwareness 2012!!!

2012-02-28T19:48:00.000-08:00

And so tonight we had a 'smashing' time - literally!!!!! Yes, tonight about 20 incredible people came together to show things connected to our eating disorders no longer have power over us. From smashing scales, to creating posters, or using clothes and shoes that held us hostage to Ed to turn into positive messages of hope, the courage and strength that filled the room was truly incredible and it was a blessing to be a part of.

Spread the word that appliances are not where we should be turning for affirmations of how incredible we are!!!!

Let the smashing begin!!!!

I really did just destroy this!!!

Seeing right through the lies the scale tells us with this hole!!!

And the bashing continues .......

Who knew that it was going to break into all those tiny pieces??!!!

Clothes no longer holding folks hostage!!!!!!

And shoes that once trapped someone into running for so many unhealthy reasons are now used to show that recovery DOES happen!!!

And here are powerful words, reminding us of all the reasons recovery IS worth it!!!

Yes, scales are just a worthless appliance ......

....... now put in their rightful place - the trash!!!!

Go on, I DARE you!!!! Take your scale and destroy it today!!!! You are NOT a number and never will be!!!

Let's talk about it!!!

2012-02-27T16:23:00.000-08:00

Today's theme within the week of activities that The Cariad Foundation has planned is "Let's Talk about it". I was looking back over some of the work that I wrote when I was in early recovery and I thought I'd share a letter I wrote to Ed as a way of saying goodbye to him. It was one of the toughest letters I wrote, and yet one of the most powerful and freeing too!!
Talking about eating disorders will raise awareness. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but by talking about it we empower others to seek recovery because they realize that there are others who have gone before them and that they're not alone.
Feel free to ask questions, or just share observations. TALK ABOUT IT - I DARE you!!!!

My dearest friend

how strange it is to begin a letter to you in that way, and yet for much of my life, that is what you have been to me! we met so many years ago, when I was 17 in fact. mind you, I think we may have had a brief introduction many years before that because even at the tender age of 4, I learned how to call on you for support.

with you by my side I felt strong. we could face any battle together, and you were always able to give me the illusion of feeling powerful. together, we were able to do anything, from going without food, to getting the number on the scale to come down. together, we were invincible - so I thought! I didn't feel the need for anyone else, you were my confidante, the person I told all my thoughts and secrets too, the one who made me feel secure and successful, and the one who I always turned to in time of need. I never felt lonely with you around, and no matter what was going on in my life, I knew I could always turn to you and you'd make everything alright again.

however, as the years passed by, you took that friendship to a new level. it turned from a friendship where we were both equal, to you demanding all the control. you took my thoughts and twisted them up in a thousand different ways. you forced me to become obsessed over numbers, exercise, and even refusing to allow any food into my body. why would a friend deprive someone of the very nourishment that was needed to survive, and yet that is what you did. your need for power became so strong that you almost cost me my life. yes, you nearly killed me with your drive to get thin. sure, I know you tried to persuade me that the pursuit of thinness would help me to deal with the feelings I so wanted to ignore, and yes, for a while it did work. but somewhere along the way, you took it too far, and it almost cost me my life. You treated me, both physically and emotionally, with utter disrespect. Verbal abuse was hurled at me daily, and you were always telling me how worthless, fat, and ugly I was. The insults were endless and too numerous to mention - what friend is so cruel? You led me to believe I was a complete and utter failure, such a waste of a person. You rendered me so powerless, in fact, that I was even driven to kill myself because your methods were just proving to slow. thank goodness I failed at that, too!

but now the time has come for me to tell you that this friendship, this partnership of ours, well it is no more! no longer can I hang around with you because our desires are so different. I have a will to live, to enjoy my life, whereas you still have the underlying drive to lead me to my death. how can I remain friends when your ulterior motive is to cost me my life?

Shakespeare once wrote that 'parting is such sweet sorrow'. how right he was as in saying good bye, I must also say thank you because while there are so many negative aspects to our friendship, you have also given me some truly amazing gifts. without you, I don't think I would have really got to know myself. I would never have discovered the strength that was hidden inside of me, but thanks to you I have found both the will and determination to fight for what is rightfully mine – to fight for my life! as I have embarked on this journey of recovery and self-discovery, you have given me insight that would never have been possible if it weren't for you. and, most importantly, not only am I learning to love myself, but I am learning to allow other people into my life and trust that their friendship and support is truly genuine. they are a real blessing in my life, and I’d never have found them were it not for you.

and so, now the time has come for me to wish you farewell. although this is a time of sadness, it is also a time of celebration. in saying goodbye to you, I am allowing myself to believe that peace and serenity are truly going to be mine. I can trust that my higher power is real and will give me exactly what I need to continue on this journey of mine. that journey does not include you! so I say 'goodbye'. the tears that fill my eyes are mixed with sadness and joy, sadness for the loss of something that has filled my life for so long, and yet joy at the promise of hope. yes, the future is mine for living, one day at a time, free of you and the chains by which you had me bound. no longer must I be filled with fear; it is replaced with a belief in myself, self-respect, and love. I am moving forward and you are not welcome in this next phase of my life. while I may think of you from time to time, no longer will you be welcome. you are dead to me from this point on and I refuse to allow you back in my life.

good bye, farewell, hwyl fawr!

yours, no more

Linda

Aaahhhhh!!!! Yoga!!

2012-02-26T17:26:00.001-08:00

Today we launched National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, 2012, with a fantastic hour of yoga at Big Fish Yoga in Jacksonville Beach.

Wow! I hadn't practiced yoga in several years and yet incredibly that didn't seem to matter today as. led by Mary Lyn, we were guided through poses as though we'd been doing them forever!!

The energy I felt, that connection to my body, well it was a blessing and reminded me why I love my life in recovery!!

Here's Deb and I with the Big Fish team - all smiles because of just what a great session it was!!

Finally, I couldn't help but smile at this picture - what a great reminder for recovery!! All these words just empower you as you grow and move away from Ed, and that's why I knew Big Fish was the place for today's event!!

For more info about Big Fish Yoga, check out their website - www.bigfishpoweryoga.com

Thanks, Mary Lyn and your team, for the most wonderful afternoon!! Feeling so relaxed, yet energized - just what I needed as we move forward with a week of activities!!

Happy Eating Disorder Awareness Week!!!

2012-02-26T07:11:00.002-08:00

Today marks the launch of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week! Yes, if you can't tell, I'm just a little excited about it and am passionate about spreading the news to help raise awareness!!
Eating disorders truly don't discriminate; whether male, female, young, old, or any nationality - they can effect anyone! However, if we talk about them, EVERYONE can recover!!!
What do you know about eating disorders? Do you know someone who's struggled? Would you know the signs to look for?
Many people don't even know there are 4 different eating disorders. Often, the only one people think of is anorexia and so if a person is not emaciated, the belief is that they couldn't possibly have an eating disorder. Today there is a little more awareness, but more needs to happen.
So do YOU know what the 4 eating disorders are? I'll share more later, but why not respond and let's start talking. Go on, I DARE you!!!!

Sharing YOUR words of hope and inspiration!!!

2012-02-25T20:01:00.003-08:00

One of the things I love to do is write - yeah, you'd never have guess, right??!!!!!
During my journey, writing was the one way I felt I had a voice and that I could say whatever I wanted, without fear of repercussions. Writing allowed me to unlock feelings that were trapped deep within me and words became a gift that led me to freedom and recovery.
Often I find I am not alone in this fact, and many people I have met along the way are just as talented - if not more so!!! And so today I'm asking YOU to share some of your words here!! Go on, post a poem or a piece of writing - it's sure to resonate with someone and make a difference in their day!!
I DARE you to ..... after all, Ed would hate it and that's always a reason to do something!!!
Can't wait to read your words!!!!

Everybody Knows Somebody!!!!

2012-02-25T19:53:00.001-08:00

And so it's almost here!! NEDAwareness Week 2012 begins in less than 90 minutes and all the hard work that has gone into raising awareness here on the First Coast of Florida becomes reality!!!

As I reflect back over my own journey, I can't help but realize the lack of publicity and knowledge there was. At the age of 17 I was told that people my age didn't become anorexic and even in 2005, my physician told me when I asked for help "I don't really know that much about eating disorders but I can refer you to someone who does"!!!

NEDA says it very succinctly - "Everybody knows Somebody" and yet, we don't ever realize it because people still don't talk about it!! Even trying to get local press and news stations do feature a story is proving a challenge and yet without their help and support, the shadow of secrecy that is cast over eating disorders will remain.

I am PROUD to have struggled with an eating disorder because I know the hard work it took to fight those demons and come out the other side a stronger person. I don't believe I should have to sweep it under the carpet, any more than I should keep it quiet or hidden in fear of what others may think! This is not a disease I chose to have, I am not ashamed of it, and will no longer keep quiet about it!!

I can't wait to give just a little insight this year into what it's like to live in the hell and pain of an eating disorder, to educate people about how they can support others or even prevent someone ever heading down the path in the first place, and to offer hope to those still struggling.

So here's to NEDAwareness Week 2012. I DARE you to spread the word too and let's prove that 'Everybody Knows Somebody' and by talking about it, we WILL make a difference!!!!

Spreading the word!!

2012-02-20T20:10:00.003-08:00

Living with Ed, I often felt like I was mute. I had no voice because it had been taken by Ed. My words were simply his and I really felt like the real me as invisible.

The gift of recovery is that I no longer feel the need to keep quiet, in fact the complete opposite!! I am ready to tell the world about my story and passion for recovery because I know that in doing so, it can help others find their own freedom.

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with a young lady who has experienced her own battle with Ed. It was truly refreshing to see the energy and sparkle in her face as she told me of her drive to raise awareness. I know that with folks like this out there, we can raise awareness and take some of the stigma away from eating disorders.

And so as we look ahead to the launch of NEDAwareness 2012, my encouragement to you is to speak out!! As NEDA says, "Everybody knows Somebody"!! Let's show Ed that he is a force to be reckoned with, and in fact that his days are truly numbered!!!

Here's to OUR voice!! Here's to discovering the recovery voice that is within you, and here's to no longer hiding!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2012-02-14T19:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to you!!
No matter where you look, you can't help but be bombarded with messages of Valentine's Day! When living with Ed, I didn't think that I would have find a true Valentine - mainly because I didn't think I was worthy of loving, believing Ed's lies that I was worthless.
The gift of recovery is that I have learned to love ME!!! It didn't matter how much unconditional love I got from my puppies, from my family, or friends, true recovery began when I accepted who I was and learned to love ALL of me!!
The path to self-love was slow, but it began by loving things for their function - for example, my legs because they allow me to walk on the beach, my fingers because they can dial a phone number or type a message, or my eyes because of the beautiful sunsets they can enjoy. From there, I realized that who I am is pretty amazing and that I was worthy of love.
So today I challenge you to look at yourself through the eyes of a loved one! Recognize that you deserve that bouquet of flowers that you bought yourself, or the pedi you treated yourself too!! And most of all, look in the mirror and recognize the beauty that is within you - because it IS there!!
Go on, I DARE you!!

I'm lost ……

2012-02-10T18:30:00.001-08:00

Today I was driving down to a meeting when, all of a sudden, I panicked. You see, I was on a road I'd not been on for a while and for a moment, did not recognize it at all!! I completely panicked, didn't know what to to do - should I turn round, keep going, trust that it was right? Fortunately, within a couple of minutes, I began to see familiar sights and realized that I was in the right place after all!!
Don't you think that's how recovery can be sometimes? We continue moving forward, but then all of a sudden we panic and feel like we're in unfamiliar places. Or, we slip and feel totally lost and like we'll never get back on track.
Trusting that the path we're on is not easy, but even if we have that momentary sense of being lost, trusting that recovery is the right step is why we keep fighting!!!
So next time you feel 'lost', stop and take a deep breath. Before long, familiar things will return and you'll be back on track fighting Ed in no time!!

NEDAwareness 2012

2012-02-10T17:56:00.001-08:00

February 26th - March 3rd is an important week!! No, it's not my Birthday, my wedding anniversary, or any other family event ….

….. IT'S NATIONAL EATING DISORDER AWARENESS WEEK!!!!

In honor of this week, The Cariad Foundation is proud to be hosting many events throughout the week and we hope you can join us as we spread the word that recovery IS possible!!!!

Here's the plan!!

Sunday 26th February - Yoga in the park; details tbc

Monday 27th February - use this day to tell people about eating disorders and that recovery IS possible!!

Tuesday 28th February - Join us for a 'scale bashing' event at our support meeting, along with other activities to show that the scale is nothing more than a metal object!! For more info on how to find us, go to www.edrecoveryjax.com for info!

Wednesday 29th February - We will be hosting a screening of "Someday Melissa". After the movie, there will be a Q & A session, with a panel made up of local professionals, an eating disorder survivor, and a loved one of someone who struggled.

Thursday 1st March - join us at our online meeting, from 8:30 pm - 9:30 pm, where Jenni Schaefer will be joining us!

Friday 2nd March - The Cariad Foundation spreads the word to 9th Graders about eating disorders and more!

Saturday 3rd March - The inaugural Fighting Back 5k Walk, Run, and 1 mile fun run for kids! Jenni Schaefer will be in attendance, speaking, participating, and signing books!

So, be sure to join us at one or more of these events. And for more information, please email us at cariadfoundation@gmail.com and watch for information about town!

As NEDA says, "Everybody knows somebody" so let's keep fighting and help them see that recovery IS possible!!

- Ally, Blair, Deb, Heather, and Linda

2012-01-31T17:25:00.000-08:00

So today we got the exciting confirmation that Jenni Schaefer is going to join us at the inaugural Fighting Back 5k!!!!! yes, she is headed to the beautiful beaches of Jacksonville to help The Cariad Foundation in raising awareness about eating disorders, as well as some money to be awarded as grants.
yes, if you've not signed up for yet, GO DO IT NOW!!!!! Go on, I DARE you!!!!
The link for signing up is: http://www.jax365.com/fighting-back-5k
Hope you can join us for what promises to be an AMAZING day and yet another message to Ed that he's not welcome!!!!!

2012-01-30T19:23:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had a blast down in Daytona at the 24 hours of Daytona, Rolex car racing! From not worrying about food, to enjoying time with friends, camping in my car, and much, much more … it was truly a fun and freeing weekend!!
Of course, I couldn't help but think of recovery - well, and Ed's obnoxious voice really!! You see, being so close to the race track and hearing those cars zoom by, it was hard to have a conversation. Actually, it was pretty impossible and even though we put ear buds in to deafen out the cars, you could still hear them! Ed's voice is as loud as those cars are and to be honest, it was often impossible to drown out his obnoxious drivel. Listening for the recovery voice was virtually impossible because you couldn't hear it's quiet whisper above that yelling.
So how can you fight back? Well, for us we had to find new and creative ways of hearing each other! We texted or used the notepad feature on our phones, we went and sat in our car where it was a little quieter, or we found a quieter place where we could really talk. And so in fighting Ed, you have to find those same ways to listen to recovery …. perhaps ensuring you make a phone call, planning dinner with a friend if hitting that meal plan is tough, or simply going for a walk to get out in the fresh air.
What are you going to do this week to fight back against Ed's din? Go on, I DARE you to try something new!!
Zoom, zoom!!!!!

2012-01-27T13:56:00.001-08:00

so today I was sitting talking with someone and reflecting on how something had gone. Giving feedback is never an easy thing, especially when it's giving honesty about areas where they need to keep working.
As humans, I think it's natural that when we hear that 'negative' feedback, we struggle to see past that and realize it's actually constructive feedback that can allow us to continue growing and learning. As a defense mechanism, we often move into presenting reasons why it happened the way it did, why it went wrong, etc.
Ed is the master of excuses. If a meal is missed, Ed tells us that ti's ok because 'you were stressed and it would make sense your appetite was gone', or if you purged, he'll tell you a lie like 'it's ok, you were probably allergic anyway and so no big deal'. But the reality is, there is no excuse for listening to Ed if we are really serious about recovery. There comes a point where we have to fight back and 'just do it'!! That's not to say that recovery is going to be perfect and that we'll never have any slips, we will!!, but that's when we have to accept they happened, and then move on without it becoming an excuse for continuing to listen to Ed.
One of my phrases I say is "No ifs, no buts, NO OPTION'!!!!! You see, I realized that the only way I was going to fight Ed as to have the mentality that i was no longer going to listen to his crap because when it came to following my meal plan, finding a healthy balance for exercise, making phone calls, etc, those were things I had to do no matter what!!
And so this weekend, I challenge you to fight Ed with the 'no ifs, no buts, NO OPTION' mentality!! When Ed suggests a behavior, stick your fingers in your ears and scream out 'la la la la la'!!! When you don't want to make that phone call that you know will provide support, do it anyway - you now you'll be glad you did!!!!
Go on, I DARE you!! For an hour, a morning, an afternoon, or even a day, tell Ed that there are NO excuses because you WANT recovery and are willing to do whatever it takes!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

2012-01-27T13:56:00.000-08:00